My Pretty Knife
by Fuzzy Eared
Summary: Only rated for baddy language and some sexual references. This is entirely from Keiko's POV. Storyline: Keiko's suicide. One-shot.


Warnings: Death-fic, a twisted Keiko, profanity, references to sex, violence.

I do not own Yu Yu Hakusho, but my poetry I do.

This story is from Keiko's point of view. And the tense changes are purposeful.

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**My Pretty Knife**

Glitter, thou pretty knife,  
shine into thy darker depths,  
lay me plain before.  
Not my savior but my answer -  
my revelation sweet, resurrect my  
forgotten hope, may I laugh  
again.

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I always dreamt that I would be enough for him, enough to humble his demonic yearning for that other world. Before it all began, my life was as I wished, though that little twit couldn't get enough of being a pain in my ass, I remember it with a laugh. But, then, he was still my Yusuke. He was still a stupid little punk that hadn't a care in the world – he was still human, still just a kid. I could love him for that and I was the only one he noticed. I was the one and only Keiko. I was special. It was only he and I.

Not any more. It was suddenly no longer just I. Oh gods Yusuke! Why did you have to come back to life? Sure I wept for joy back then, but I didn't know. How could I have known you were going to come back so wrong. When you were dead it was still perfect. I cried for you – you were my everything. And I was yours. They all pitied me. I was the poor lamenting girl. I mourned for you, but it was still you and I. It should've stayed that way! Only you and I! But I was stupid and brought you back into a world where you would have to fight for your life over and over again. A world full of strange places and even stranger, more intriguing people. And all that is more interesting than I can ever be. How can I, a simple human girl, compete against a gorgeous, mysterious kitsune with millennia old wisdom, or an illusive and lethal fire demon, or, while I'm at it, a god? And how many others Yusuke? How many other demons do you find so much more interesting than me?

Oh gods it hurts. It hurts, Yusuke, it hurts so much.

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I am in the kitchen staring into the open drawer. The only hard part is deciding what knife would be best. Thin steak knives would do. Hmm, I never did thank Hiei for these. It was terribly amusing when Hiei showed up for dinner with his own set of knives, claiming that those in my family's possession were far too crude to be used on food. My parents hadn't really known what to say to such an abnormal gift. They couldn't exactly refuse the offer, the blades were nice and owning a restaurant and all…. The blades were six inches long and no more than an inch thick at their base. The handles fit nicely into your hand too. Yes, one of these will do very well.

My fingers aren't as steady as I would have liked as they select one from the drawer. I am such a stupid girl, can't even properly give a gift to the one I love. No wonder Yusuke finds me so unworthy. What powerful demon lord would want such a weak woman by his side? I often think of how my body would have endured his true sexual onslaught, not just the feather touches he grants me. I want to know, but am afraid to ask. I will do nothing to further upset my lord, as it seems it is all I can do to keep him in my arms.

I will prove I am worthy of my lord.

My hands steady and firmly grip the handle. I turn around, easing the drawer closed with my hip, and walk into the living room. Yusuke doesn't care about the furniture so it doesn't matter which chair I select. The swiveling, black lounge chair is one of my favorites – both comfortable and dark enough so as not to stain. It is this that I drag into the entryway so that it is directly in front of the door. I sit and I wait.

I am anxious and excited. Adrenaline pumps through my veins. And yet I am calm. Sitting with my legs crossed, slouched backwards in the chair, I never doubt my resolve or my motive. The knife hangs securely in my grasp, resting slightly upon my lap.

Footsteps. Kuwabara is attending school – the community college where my husband would have gone if none of this had happened. I had already forgotten the human fool. And I have no reason to remember him. He neither knows of, contributes to, or alleviates my pain. To me, he no longer exists.

Footsteps. That slut Kurama is still working for his pathetically human stepfather, pathetically human like me. He pretends to be so perfect, so comforting, so genuinely caring that he has everybody fooled, even I was lured to the unnatural light for a time. But then I saw through to his ugly demon core, rotting away from his ancient age. How could Yusuke have stooped so low? I try to show him, try to reveal that fox for the conniving whore he is. But Yusuke can't see what I saw! He still only sees the perfect student, the perfect son, the perfect brother, partner, hair, body, eyes, lover - breathe.

Footsteps. Brooding Hiei is the seemingly coldest of them all. I should have known better than to judge a demon by their outward attitude. But now it is too late. My lord, my poor lord, they have you so fooled. And yet this is the life you've chosen over me. So I do what I can to please you, hoping that your choice is wise enough to satisfy.

Footsteps. Yusuke must be returning from spirit world. He mentioned something about being summoned to a short briefing on Maikai politics. But I know the real reason for his absence. He is fucking that diaper wearing, voyeuristic shit of a god – yet still more worthy than I. If this were a normal day, I might greet him in a similar fashion as to now - only naked...and without the knife - before dragging him to the floor and letting him screw me senseless. I never let him forget his wife has two holes to fuck, while those bastards only have one and a bothersome limp dick.

I know it has to be my husband at the door and so I do it. I raise the knife to my left wrist and cut. I am thankful for the quality of the knife. A lesser one would require more than one slice. The motion is swift, stinging, painful. I hiss sharply. It hurts more than I had expected, but less as well.

Blood begins to pool and drip down my fingertips. I hold my hand over the side of the chair. A stain on the entryway floor is preferable to one on this chair. And as I watch the rivulets form lethal patterns on my skin, I smile. The first genuine one in far too long. I have done it. Finally, I can properly free my love of pain and free my lover of me. Here in this living plane, he can do what he wishes and pay no mind to me. But I have killed myself for him, securing our bond forever. There will be no one greater for him than I. It can again just be my Yusuke and I without the impurities of my humanity barricading my lord from me.

The door opens. I again raise the knife…and slit my throat. Flow my blood, flow out from me, let him see and wonder at my gift. Let them all see that I have won. They can no longer keep Yusuke from me. He is my lord and only mine. And I have always and shall always be only his.

"Keiko! Keiko what the hell are you doing?" I hear the loud bang of the door thrown open against the wall. His frantic voice I wish to calm. Cannot he understand my gift?

I am in his arms, cradled desperately to his chest, "Keiko, Keiko it's going to be ok. Come on, I know you're stronger than this. You can fight this."

"It's alright," my voice is so weak. I touch my bloody left hand to his cheek, silencing him. "For you; all for you. I love you."

"I love you too, Keiko." He is sobbing now. Why is my husband crying if not for joy? "Why?"

"Living was not enough." Everything is beginning to darken. I feel light headed, tired – so very tired. The flow has slackened. "Only mine." And I die.

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Little petals fall, one  
by one, to the lake,  
drifting free for once.

A  
u  
t  
u  
m  
n,  
the season for falling.  
Freedom  
in the moments

before death.

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A large crowd had gathered. I had been such a popular girl during all but the ends of my life when I began to lock myself within my house, making sure that I was never elsewhere when I could be with my husband.

Kurama and Hiei walked to the wake in silence. They had been horrified at my suicide, but each possessed too much respect for the detective to press for details. The time for questions would come later. Whether the answers were freely given or forced out. Both demons cared too much about their leader to allow him to keep it trapped within forever where it would eat away at him as effectively as acid.

They passed Koenma and a sobbing Botan held protectively in his embrace, leaving, on their way inside the Yukimura household. All four paused briefly.

"How is he?" Kurama asked.

Koenma sighed heavily, "Not well. It is still such a great shock to him that she's dead, natheless by her own hand. There is little any of us can do until it passes."

"How is she?" Hiei pointedly stressed the word 'she.'

Koenma again sighed, "If you mean Keiko…" Hiei nodded, "her soul is perfectly intact and has been safely delivered to the Reikai. Unfortunately, her mind was damaged from the early stages of a human disease called schizophrenia. This coupled with her suicide means that her subconscious memories of her life as Keiko may be irretrievable, too distorted by disease to be maintained without risking permanent damage to her soul's trace destiny. Even if I were able to immediately reincarnate her soul, it would be into a lowly creature with simple brain functions so that her soul's mental capacity could begin to heal. It will be lifetimes before she can be anything 'intelligent' again."

"Yusuke…" Kurama trailed off breathlessly. None of them wanted to finish that sentence.

For you see, I am Yusuke's bonded soul. Unless he dies, he will be forever in mourning until I truly live again. Suffering for me. Only me. Him and I.

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Faithless They declare.  
A sickle,  
deadly moon becomes when  
ravaged too harshly  
by the sun.

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**Story's End**

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So what did you all think of that? Please review and tell me. 


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